I'm debating on whether or not I should start journaling. My nutritionist and therapist think it would be very beneficial because there are going to be pretty big changes with my family/friends/school situation in the very near future. She suggested "sitting down and just writing for 20 minutes...free writing." I can't comprehend freewriting...I mean, I just don't get it. I'm sure my therapist would say it's because I'm "afraid of my emotions." He would be correct.

Part of me wants to write in a journal, but another part of me think it's a stupid idea. I never liked "diaries." They just make me really uncomfortable and I'm almost embarrassed to write in one. I guess because they're so emotional, which I'm not a big fan of; I am, hover, a big fan of letting things bottle up. The contents would be more depressing than interesting. I worry about [hypothetically] re-reading my journal in a couple of years and regretting some of the things I've done and haven't done and realized that I wasn't as mature as I thought I was.


If you journal, what do you write about?

TV Shows I watch:

-Fringe
-Supernatural
-Modern Family (HILARIOUS)
-Glee (although the baby swap story line is getting old. I'm willing to bet Finn/Quinn will decide not to give the baby up at the very last minute)
-House
-30 Rock (season premier episode fell flat)
-Bones (losing interest quickly)
-The Office (US)
-Lie to Me


Shows I'm embarrassed to admit I watch:

-90210
-Eastwick
-Melrose Place 2009
-ANTM (mainly to make fun of and bitch at Tyra)
-CSI: Miami (SO HOKEY. My dad does the best David Caruso impression though. Have you ever noticed he never faces the camera straight on? He's always turned sideways)

Anyone watch similar shows? Thoughts?

I'm trying really hard not to binge.
However, my family just went to the grocery store and bought some things that they eat but I go overboard on. In the past few days, we haven't had any of this kind of food in the house, making it nearly impossible for me to binge.


What can I do? I'm so terrified I'll end up stuffing my face with all the goodies we have.
Help

I'm so bored....
I need something to do. I hate sitting on my ass.

I try to limit myself to 2 hours on the computer a day, but otherwise I HAVE NOTHING TO DO.
Any Suggestions?

I think Miranda Kerr has an amazing body. She doesn't look like she starves herself, either.

I wish I was a lot taller. I'm only 5'2" and a teeny bit of weight gain looks like a LOT on my frame.

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR ME TO COMMIT TO LOSING WEIGHT?
Seriously, this is becoming ridiculous. Every day I'm like "ok...I'll start tomorrow." 

I'm home alone most of the day (homeschooled/online classes) and all I do is eat. I'm not used to this at all. 


I'm going to the beach a week from Friday. I need to lose weight by then.

I AM SO SORE.

Actually, in reality, I'm probably not in half as much pain than other athletes or other people that exercise (literally) their asses off. Damnit. I don't want to have to stop exercising for a few days. It keeps me from purging.I ran yesterday, thus my legs don't want to hold my body weight. I also lifted weights on my arms, which are fatigued, but not completely limp.

 

Does anyone have any good cross-training suggestions?

I'm going to lose this weight....starting tomorrow.
I know, I know, WHAT A CLICHE.

But today I'm going grocery shopping---I'm going to buy lots of fruit and vegetables. I think the key to losing the weight I have put on is keeping binge food out of the house. I baked brownies. I'm going to enjoy some of them today, and then take the rest of them to my grandma tomorrow.

Today I am also going to plan my meals and my exercise. I'm going to do this. I'm not going to weigh myself for a few weeks, so I can give my body time to adjust. I need to drink a LOT more water.

Monday, April 13th is when I will weigh myself. And if I don't feel comfortable weighing myself then, I will wait another week. I'm hoping to lose *at least* 5 pounds by the end of April. By the end of June I really want to have lost 15 pounds, but I doubt that's going to happen :/

I can do this.

I'm adopted.
I want to find my birth parents (or my mother at least).
It was a closed adoption. My biological parents did not meet my Mom or Dad because I was adopted at birth. I'm scared. 


If I binge, it's definitely because I'm watching a documentary on adoption...and it's bring up some really sucky emotions.


What's bothering me the most is why they chose a closed adoption. Did they want me out of their life completely? Why didn't they want to see me? Or check on me? Do they still think about me? I'm really upset...

Oh my god.

I used to be so thin. I can't believe I didn't see it. I looked at some old pictures that I took of myself and I literally gasped. You know what the worst part is? I want it back. Not because I looked pretty or because I had the "perfect body"---but because I was safe. There was no world around me. I was alive, but not living.

I'm sitting on the edge of a fence. Do I slip deeper into my old habits once again? Or do I choose life? The answer might be obvious to some, but it isn't to be. Somehow, I think I deserve to be skinny, sad and miserable. On the other hand, my eating disorder tells me "you're life will begin once you just lose those 10 pounds!"

It will be extremely difficult to lose the weight again- about 20 pounds. My body is going to fight to stay at this weight. I need to stop purging/binging. I think I could lose faster that way.

Anyway. Gym time.
 

I feel so weak. I went to the gym, but was too tired to work out. No excuses, I was just lazy. I'm so angry at myself :(

I'm updating my iPod.

What are some of your favorite songs/artists?


I'm open to everything ;)